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Iapos;ve long known that friendship is a two-way thing. Undeniably, sometimes, I�do tend to prioritize certain friends. Well, who doesnapos;t, seriously. Since I�entered JC, I tried to keep in touch with my sec school friends, which I still do, or at least try to. I�tried to make new friends, and learn to rely on them, and of course, to be there for them. I�guess, 4 years of friendship can never ever compare to 1, 2 years of friendship. I never knew time played such a great factor, or not. Maybe there are other things that played a part. Whatever it is, I have no more energy to try to find out, anymore.

Whatapos;s happened in my life, whatapos;s yet to happen, God, I have no more faith to carry on each day. Every tomorrow is so tormenting, and at the end of the day, I wonder how I�survived. Maybe You really are there for me. Days, I face these cold, expressionless faces in school. This world is really so realistic, isnapos;t it?

Theyapos;re friends with you because they think youapos;re stupid and therefore hanging out with you makes them feel smarter, more superior.
When results show otherwise, they ignore you, like as if you committed a grave mistake.
I donapos;t care actually, but whatapos;s happened is that my other friends are being influenced by her. Though they donapos;t show it, feelings are much more accurate.�
Iapos;m beginning to enjoy solitude a lot more, honestly. Iapos;m not a loner, in case you were thinking, but now, all I�want to do is indulge in the times where things were happier (ie Sec 4). Silly to think of the past which never will return, but I�guess thatapos;s what I truly hope to experience once more.
In case you were wondering, no itapos;s not everyone, and itapos;s not the majority. Iapos;m not as pathetic as you think I am. And, there are of course other things thatapos;s eating my brains.
I think in this world, the only people who really love you unconditionally are your parents. Not even your siblings, not even your closest friend, but parents. I canapos;t believe Iapos;m actually saying this, especially when my dad just yelled at me and my mum just scolded me.
My thoughts are not straight now, how sad.

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I just had a really good night. I got totally pissed (as in drunk, not angry) with a bunch of peeps from my part time job at The Upper Crust. We were watching the Sox game after hours and drinking copious amounts of alcohol and talking about shitty customers. It was awesome til the Sox lost and we were all upset. I was drunk when Tony (a driver) walked me out to my car. We talked for an hour, until I wasnapos;t drunk anymore. Tony is a cool guy. Iapos;m glad that I work there with such nice people who are so similar to me.

I just got a lot of my self confidence back from doing the movie and meeting people I like who like me back is wonderful. I finally believe that I am worth knowing.
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Well, i love the one i bought at Office Max/Office Depot whichever one is next to Big Lots. I just need to put a light bulb up in der. Did i mention i got the lamp for FOUR�dollars? Yeah. I did. I got a lamp, and a paper cut from said lampapos;s box.

"Iapos;m never buying anything from Office Max/Office Depot agian"� I exclaimed as i left the store.

We all know itapos;s not true. Office supply stores are fun.

*Also, i snatched a "Vote For Jimmy" bumper sticker.
From Jimmy Johns.

*God, i flipping love Jimmy Johns.� (insert Homer Simpson like drooling thing here)

*I like the new Simon and Garfunkel-esque commericals, are they for Arbyapos;s or Burger King? Who cares, lets go to JIMMY�JOHNS

*Also, i noticed that they took "Make a Porno" off of the "Zach and Mira Make a Porno"

*Stupid Devil Rays.�

***************************

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Obviously as the title states, I feel down. I�have been having issues with myself.�I have been a very good daughter as far as I know. Unfortunately, being a teenager, I started getting more angry at my parents and somehow, I just am becoming lazier.�
When we used to live in the Middle East, I was so happy, and I always obeyed my parents. Growing up obediently and always doing my chores, my parents expected a lot from me. They�always gave me compliments and I enjoyed that.�
Moving to Canada, somehow I changed and they changed. As a kid, I enjoyed being with my parents and spending most of my time with them. But now, I feel like my time isnapos;t�enough to be obedient, because I need that time to think for myself. Today, my sister told me that my mom told her that I�am lazy and she upset of me.�My mom told me earlier to clean the bathroom, but I told my older sister to do it because�I was going to sleep, since I barely had any last night doing my math homework.�I told my sister that I would do part of the chore after I woke up. When I did, she already did it�for me, and I felt bad because I felt useless.
Eversince we moved here,�I feel�sad and useless. I do chores everyday but I donapos;t feel that they are thankful enough. They expect a lot from me�and I understand that, but I also need my space and time for myself. I miss the compliments they use to give me. Unfortunately, thatapos;s long�gone. They were replaced with looks and maybe too much�discipline,�that makes me feel�that I am a bad human being.�Trust me, I do a lot of work at home�and�I do feel grateful of my parents, but I wished they�would give me some time to adjust my feelings.
I feel depress, knowing my mom thinks I am lazy. I feel bad and angry.�I want to tell her that�Iapos;m sorry for not being good enough for�her and I wasnapos;t the same as I was before, but�she has to�understand that my life doesnapos;t revolve around housework.�I do want to say that, but I lack courage and I donapos;t want to hurt her feelings.
All I can say is, Iapos;ll try my best to�please my parents�and feel better.�Being a teenager is hard and hopefully Iapos;ll work�out all right.��
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I got the job.

It pays $19 USD�/ hr rather than $17 USD / hr, but tha is nothing to bitch about.

The only problem is, I went in yesterday, to partake in the job interview, which was at 4:30 PM, but I got there at 8 AM because my dad went there, and I figured if I stranded myself at the place i used to work, Iapos;d be able to get my homework done (yeaaah, not so much XD). Instead, a lot of the people I used to work with greeted me all day, and we spoke off and on.�While speaking to me, various members of my (previous) team expressed irritation at the thought of my receiving the position. 5 of them have gotten spots on the team I was applying for, and I am now the 6th, but even one of those five seemed steamed that I was considered for the position.

In other words:�My receiving this position will cause a lot of drama. -.-apos;apos;apos; I hate drama, and Iapos;ve never been the focal point of drama before... I donapos;t want to be, so I guess I will just explain to them that I am qualified, or I wouldnapos;t have been considered, and that I will do my best, which is why I am a good fit for the position. (among various other reasons.)

The reason they are all pissed at me:�I quit 6 months ago, and have been without a job since then. The person who recommended me for the job is my dadapos;s co-worker. And because my dad is buddies with both the recruiter as well as my new boss, I suppose they feel itapos;s a boyapos;s club thing. I personally loathe that sort of thing, so I feel very torn right now...

I love my old team, and I donapos;t think they are more qualified than I am, but I feel they are just as qualified as I am, so I feel like I may have gotten the position due to my fatherapos;s inadvertent influence.

I want to receive jobs because of my own qualifications and skills... So... Iapos;m feeling very bummed right now. At the same time, I need a job, bad. Iapos;m in debt, my parents need help, and look at the economy over here in America. -.-apos;apos;apos; so... Iapos;m done venting...

But I really feel like crap about this.

On a more positive note: Junjou 2 episode 2 tomorrow- *spazzes* and iapos;m selling my plasma on tuesday XD�I guess I should stop starving myself -.-apos;apos;apos; Problem is, I donapos;t have any money for food XD�

Oh well... Ramen... This is why you were invented <3

Political PS: Obama and McCain were both hillarious last night <3 and Iapos;m proud of McCain for showing up at Letterman, but Iapos;m still voting for Obama-chama XD
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